Sometimes I don’t realize how stupid I sound until I hear someone else complaining about the same thing. In three months my younger sister is getting married. And then in four months I’ll be turning 30-years-old. It’s quite the year for big things. But it also makes me wonder if I’ve missed the proverbial boat.
There are days I say to God “I know you know, but just to remind you I’m almost 30. And there are certain things a woman – this woman – would like to have. You know, a husband to go through life with would be great…a family…a clear and steady calling. Okay thanks!”
Yet I know, “The tongue has the power of life and death,” (Proverbs 18:21) and not just in what I say to other people. Words are equally as powerful when I speak them over myself. If either aloud or just in my head I have the power with my words to dictate attitudes – my own and those of other people.
So when I heard a few other late-20-something women the other day lamenting about their lack of a man, I cringed. “Oh gosh, is that how I sound!?!” It was a bit of a slap in the face, because I know that in reality there is absolutely nothing lacking in my life.
****
Words satisfy the mind as much as fruit does the stomach;
good talk is as gratifying as a good harvest.
Words kill, words give life;
they're either poison or fruit—you choose. Proverbs 18:20-21 (The Message)
Here’s a little something from my journal earlier this week.
“It’s a hot and humid start to the day/week, and it’s not even 6am! I’ve been feeling unwell in my stomach for a few days now, and totally un-energetic. I slept for almost 12 hours last night, on top of napping for much of yesterday.
I think part of me just wants to hide from my emotions and my responsibilities. But what good is that? I’ve been kind of out of it too because my desire for Christ is down. But, I WANT to yearn for you Abba! I want for my life what you want for my life. Help me to see those things clearly, and to walk confidently towards them.
I suppose Lord, that I am in distress – my mind is scattered with wants and worries – both of which show my feeble faith and trust in you. Please forgive me!
As David writes in Psalm 20 “May the Lord answer you when you are in distress…May he give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed.”
Wow Abba! I can only hope that will be my case. Of course, please make my desires line up with yours…I know they already have in some ways. I know, I know, I’m supposed to EXPLOIT my singleness for you. But that’s easier said than done! So, I pray Lord for a passion to strive for more of you in my own lie and for a passion for how you want me to further your Kingdom. Give me such a passion for you and your work that my desires for a husband and a family pale in comparison.”
And now for the challenge. It came courtesy of Christian thinker and author John Piper. It's from 15 years ago as a challenge to godly women. And wow, did it ever get me thinking. I hope you enjoy reading this article from Piper's Desiring God Ministry's website:
That all of your life—in whatever calling—be devoted to the glory of God.
That the promises of Christ be trusted so fully that peace and joy and strength fill your soul to overflowing.
That this fullness of God overflow in daily acts of love so that people might see your good deeds and give glory to your Father in heaven.
That you be women of the Book, who love and study and obey the Bible in every area of its teaching. That meditation on Biblical truth be the source of hope and faith. And that you continue to grow in understanding through all the chapters of your life, never thinking that study and growth are only for others.
That you be women of prayer, so that the Word of God would open to you; and the power of faith and holiness would descend upon you; and your spiritual influence would increase at home and at church and in the world.
That you be women who have a deep grasp of the sovereign grace of God undergirding all these spiritual processes, that you be deep thinkers about the doctrines of grace, and even deeper lovers and believers of these things.
That you be totally committed to ministry, whatever your specific role, that you not fritter your time away on soaps or ladies magazines or aimless hobbies, any more than men should fritter theirs away on excessive sports or aimless diddling in the garage. That you redeem the time for Christ and his Kingdom.
That, if you are single, you exploit your singleness to the full in devotion to Christ and not be paralyzed by the desire to be married.
That, if you are married, you creatively and intelligently and sincerely support the leadership of your husband as deeply as obedience to Christ will allow; that you encourage him in his God-appointed role as head; that you influence him spiritually primarily through your fearless tranquility and holiness and prayer.
That, if you have children, you accept responsibility with your husband (or alone if necessary) to raise up children who hope in the triumph of God, sharing with him the teaching and discipline of the children, and giving to the children that special nurturing touch and care that you are uniquely fitted to give.
That you not assume that secular employment is a greater challenge or a better use of your life than the countless opportunities of service and witness in the home the neighborhood, the community, the church, and the world. That you not only pose the question: Career vs. full time mom? But that you ask as seriously: Full time career vs. freedom for ministry? That you ask: Which would be greater for the Kingdom— to be in the employ of someone telling you what to do to make his business prosper, or to be God's free agent dreaming your own dream about how your time and your home and your creativity could make God's business prosper? And that in all this you make your choices not on the basis of secular trends or yuppie lifestyle expectations, but on the basis of what will strengthen the family and advance the cause of Christ.
That you step back and (with your husband, if you are married) plan the various forms of your life's ministry in chapters. Chapters are divided by various things—age, strength, singleness, marriage, employment choices, children at home, children in college, grandchildren, retirement, etc. No chapter has all the joys. Finite life is a series of tradeoffs. Finding God's will, and living for the glory of Christ to the full in every chapter is what makes it a success, not whether it reads like somebody else's chapter or whether it has in it what chapter five will have.
That you develop a wartime mentality and lifestyle; that you never forget that life is short, that billions of people hang in the balance of heaven and hell every day, that the love of money is spiritual suicide, that the goals of upward mobility (nicer clothes, cars, houses, vacations, food, hobbies) are a poor and dangerous substitute for the goals of living for Christ with all your might, and maximizing your joy in ministry to people's needs.
That in all your relationships with men you seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit in applying the Biblical vision of manhood and womanhood; that you develop a style and demeanor that does justice to the unique role God has given to man to feel responsible for gracious leadership in relation to women—a leadership which involves elements of protection and care and initiative. That you think creatively and with cultural sensitivity (just as he must do) in shaping the style and setting the tone of your interaction with men.
That you see Biblical guidelines for what is appropriate and inappropriate for men and women in relation to each other not as arbitrary constraints on freedom but as wise and gracious prescriptions for how to discover the true freedom of God's ideal of complementarity. That you not measure your potential by the few roles withheld but by the countless roles offered. That you turn off the TV and Radio and think about...
The awesome significance of motherhood
Complementing a man's life as his wife
Ministries to .... (fill in the blank)...
****
May the LORD answer you when you are in distress;
may the name of the God of Jacob protect you.
May he send you help from the sanctuary
and grant you support from Zion.
May he remember all your sacrifices
and accept your burnt offerings.[b]
May he give you the desire of your heart
and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy over your victory
and lift up our banners in the name of our God.
May the LORD grant all your requests.
Now this I know:
The LORD gives victory to his anointed.
He answers him from his heavenly sanctuary
with the victorious power of his right hand.
Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.
They are brought to their knees and fall,
but we rise up and stand firm.
LORD, give victory to the king!
Answer us when we call!
Psalm 20 (NIV)
