Stones and Sacrifices

I stared down in awe at the pock-marked rocks, hot beneath my feet from the Christmas Eve sun. God had just whispered “See these holes? Every stone-sculpted hole on these sea rocks is as unique as the stone within it.”

That’s pretty incredible. On the eastern coast of Australia, on each giant slab of rock there are dozens of these stone-washed-craters. And God knows that each one is unique. 

Just as quickly as I finished my awe-struck thought and averted my eyes, God whispered “Just like the way I made you and your heart.” And right before my eyes was a heart-shaped stone, lying bare on the sandy shore.

I didn’t dare not pick it up.

The stone was a pleasant thing to carry as I walked the length of the shore, to where it bends some few kilometres down the way. This stone felt special in my hands. Out of the seven billion people living right now, God made me the way I am. Out of the billions of stones, God made that rock too.

During my walk I had this strange tugging feeling that God said I had to give my new treasure up. “But that’s not fair”, I internally whined to Him, “I found it.”

“Yes, but it’s not yours to keep.” He said.

The lesson of surrender is one God’s been teaching me in greater depth this past year. Bill Johnson, pastor at Bethel Church in Redding, California, put it well, “The further you go with Jesus, the less you can take with you.” 

And so I brought the stone back with me to my spot on the beach and tossed it in my purse. Surrender would have to wait. I wasn’t ready. And what was it that God wanted me to give up anyway, surely not just this stone.

I was right. 

By the time Christmas Morning rolled around I was mulling the idea of the stable and manger in which Jesus entered this world. There was no room for Him in the inn. The manger was all that was left. I wondered, is there enough room for Jesus in my heart?

The daunting question arose: what do I need to let go of in order to make more room for Jesus to live in me?

The answers, I almost knew were coming: my heart, self-pity, marriage and family, food, my future, and my appearance. They’ve been the things, comforts, even dreams, I’ve put ahead of Jesus. 

Of course the stone heart was simply symbolic. But I knew what God wanted me to do. I had to give those things up, I’d been holding onto so tightly that Jesus was having a tough time getting into the corners of my heart.

Silly as this may sound, I said a short prayer surrendering all those things back to God. I stood at the edge where the flat-rocks meet the sea and tossed my treasured heart-shaped stone into the water.   

God wanted me, once and for all, to give up my heart. In the Old Testament God promised to take our broken and hard hearts and exchange them for real, emotion-filled, joyful hearts. 

I think there’s a caveat: it’s still His heart then too.

****

I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.
Ezekiel 36:25-27 (NIV)